The Equalizer 3
Last week my back went whilst brushing my teeth, I bet that's never happened to Denzel Washington. Here he is at 69 years bringing down the mafia in a small Italian town, thinking of more brutal ways to kill people than the last Equalizer movie.
It seems that, since John Wick, the way a bad guy has to die has to be more extreme in each movie. If you don't enjoy watching screwdrivers being pushed into people's eyes, knives being inserted vertically through people's jaws, or axes implanted into people's foreheads this maybe isn't the movie for you. If you do enjoy that, you're a sick person and need help, but you can watch Equalizer 3 whilst getting it.
Equalizer 2 came and went, I'm sure I watched it but I can't remember what happened in it. But this movie is a nice ending to the trilogy, and I hope Denzel finally finds happiness in this stereotypical Italian town, with the only black girl in it who's 20 years younger than him.
When I say stereotypical, I mean stereotypical. There's a bread maker, a priest, and one doctor who delivered every child in the town. The whole town comes and dances in the square when their football team wins. There's a church procession, there's sweet Italian children running around, old Italian women, everyone knows everybody, and there's the mafia taking everyone's hard earned money.
There's also a young good looking Italian police officer, with a young beautiful wife and sweet little girl, so obviously you think he's going to die. But, lucky for him, he rescued Denzel Washington's Equalizer from a crashed car and brought him to be saved by the town local doctor. Ordinarily having been shot with a 20 gauge shotgun in the kidneys, you would need a highly skilled surgeon operating on you with a crack team and weeks in icu. Denzel is lucky to have Dr. Enzo, and his kitchen table. Maybe that's what the NHS needs, lots of small town, old Italian doctors.
To be fair, they do show Denzel gradually recovering. He slowly gets better, in the process falling in love with the quaint town. And apparently everyone loves him too. I'm not too sure why though, he hasn't actually done anything, he just walks around smiling and drinking tea. Denzel’s smile is a beautiful thing though, so there is that.
It turns out the mafia has been extorting money from the hard workers of this town, to help fund their drug smuggling business to the rest of Europe. The mafia is buying hard-core drugs from Arab terrorists, thereby funding terrorist operations in the process. The whole operation though is about to come crashing down when they disturb Denzel enjoying his pizza.
Our handsome Italian police officer, who is also uncorrectable, gets a visit from the Mafia boss's lovable younger brother. I'm only joking, he's not lovable at all, he's a skinhead, tattoo covered jerk, trying to impress his older brother. He makes a mistake of threatening the police officer and his family in front of Denzel Washington. Denzel tries to warn the young mobster to leave his friends, and the town he now loves alone, but this dimwit doesn't get the message, even though Denzel basically just paralysed him with a two finger ninja move.
Unfortunately for him, he and his goons die. I think this one is the one with a knife through his jaw. His body is found in the street in the morning and everyone suspects Denzel of being the culprit.
The young Mafioso’s death enrages his brother so he threatens to burn the whole town down unless they give Denzel up. Luckily he is camera shy, as when he's about to shoot Denzel in the head, everyone pulls out their mobiles and starts live streaming. He leaves Denzel and the village this time, but promises to be back, maybe when the internet is down. The old Doctor guy also made an appearance with a saw off shotgun.
It's at this point you feel we are going to have a Magnificent Seven type montage, where Denzel trains the whole town on how to fight and shoot guns. You expect boobytraps in the cobbled streets, old Italian women being trained on how to fire sniper guns. But no, Denzel just turns up at the Mafia guys house, one by one slaughtering his bodyguards, until he gets to the big boss. He makes him eat a full bag of the vile poison he's been selling on the streets and watches him stumble across the town gradually dying on his own drugs.
He got off kind of easily compared to everyone else.
The town is saved, and Denzel can enjoy the football celebrations with his much younger girlfriend.
Dakota Fanning is also in here as a rookie CIA officer. She really doesn't do anything, but Denzel takes pity on her, so she gets credits for bringing down the Mafia and the whole terrorist network in southern Europe.
That's just how cool Denzel Washington is.
